2007–2010

2010 372

December 2010

1. 31 DecBathroom Monologue: A Man Undermined
2. 30 DecThe Riren 100
3. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: "You’re in my thoughts." –Many random friends
4. 28 DecBathroom Monologue: Black Hulk
5. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Hottest Present of the Holiday
6. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: Odysseusmas
7. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: "Does anybody know what Christmas is all about?" -Some bald kid
8. 24 DecBathroom Monologue: What’s The Best Christmas Movie?
9. 23 DecTen Hints to Dave's Christmas Present, 2010 Edition
10. 22 DecBathroom Monologue: “The weather outside is frightful…” –Sammy Cahn & Jule Styne, “Let It Snow”
11. 21 DecBathroom Monologue: Straw Women
12. 20 DecBathroom Haiku: Eyesku
13. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Imaginary TED Talk, OR, Thinking Things Out for “Baby”
14. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: Son of Pherson
15. 17 DecBathroom Monologue: Two-Hour Delay
16. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: Steel of Man, OR, Points if you can guess who this speaker is
17. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: "Season of the Witch" is apparently a "thing" now
18. 14 DecBathroom Haiku: Darn It
19. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: What if Santa Claus became The Pope? (The Tweets)
20. 12 DecBathroom Monologues: Devolution of Television
21. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: "Imagine there's no countries, it isn't hard to do" -John Lennon, "Imagine"
22. 10 DecBathroom Monologue: I Hate Gay
23. 9 DecThe Recyclable Villain
24. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: Experience of the Holy
25. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: Walt Disney Star
26. 6 DecTrue Stories of John 6: Digital Horse, OR, The Life and Times of Felicity (Digital Horse)
27. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: There is a monster behind you
28. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Slice
29. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: Thoughts Down from 40,000 Feet
30. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: Demotion of Pluto
31. 1 DecHe'll Be Back

November 2010

1. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: Ghouls, Ghouls!
2. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: Not a Slut, OR, Bafflingly inspired by A League of Their Own, OR, I’m awful
3. 28 NovAnyone Can Do Malaise Redux - The Audio
4. 27 NovBathroom Monologue: Why Youtube Hurts My Soul
5. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: Me, Myself and You
6. 25 NovBathroom Monologue: Thanks Anyway
7. 24 NovFifteen Authors Who Influenced Me
8. 23 NovBathroom Monologue: Clarifying Lies about the Internet
9. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: Could James Joyce Succeed Today?
10. 21 NovBathroom Monologue: Stay Where You Are, OR, Composed during a bathroom break from Marathon Man
11. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: God Class is Sweet
12. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: The Vampire Plan, OR, What John Thought When He Heard About Vampires Taking Over the World
13. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: Refugee Camp Regrets
14. 17 NovThree Year Anniversary Post
15. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: For Night Drivers
16. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: Should Tweet and Should Not Tweet
17. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Better Than Stenography
18. 13 NovBathroom Monologue: Verified
19. 12 NovBathroom Monologue: Don’t Even Have a Name
20. 11 NovBathroom Monologue: Theseus the Cheater
21. 10 NovTrue Stories of John, 5. The Birthday Present of 2010.
22. 9 NovFantasy Novelist’s Exam for John Wiswell's Ito, Book 1
23. 8 NovBathroom Monologue: Parental Guidance for AMC’s The Walking Dead
24. 7 NovBathroom Monologue: Monologue composed while John grilled during a tornado warning. He worries himself, sometimes.
25. 6 NovItem: Witch Doctor Spin
26. 5 NovBathroom Monologue: A Still Moment
27. 4 NovBathroom Monologue: In the Car Wash
28. 3 NovThe Development of a First Line
29. 2 NovBathroom Monologue: TheBrightness’s Avatar
30. 1 NovBathroom Monologue: Measure of Love

October 2010

1. 31 OctBathroom Monologue: “What is Halloween in The States?” –Interviewer from EU PS Blog
2. 30 OctBathroom Monologue: Saul and the Plymouth Fury
3. 29 OctBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 9.
4. 28 OctBathroom Monologue: Familiarity Does
5. 27 OctTrue Stories of John 4, Spookiest Moment
6. 26 OctBathroom Monologue: What’s Scary About the End of the World
7. 25 OctBathroom Monologue: Reasons why I should write the new Legendary Pictures Godzilla reboot.
8. 24 OctBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins for Him. 8.
9. 23 Oct"To Each Her Own Triceratops" at The NOT
10. 22 OctBathroom Monologue: People Want Dark Fiction
11. 21 OctBathroom Monologue: The Brilliant Scheme of Bit Torrent
12. 20 OctBathroom Monologue: Appearances in Toast
13. 19 OctWriter’s Exhaustion, OR, Writer’s Block is Good for You
14. 18 OctBathroom Monologue: Indiviso
15. 17 OctBathroom Monologue: Supernatural Warehouse
16. 16 OctBathroom Monologue: From Early 2010
17. 15 OctBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins for Him. 7.
18. 14 OctBathroom Monologue: They Shook Hands
19. 13 OctThe Top Ten Essential Zombie Movies
20. 12 OctBathroom Monologue: Little White Lies
21. 11 OctBathroom Monologue: Castlevania Parody, OR, We Love Shelly
22. 10 OctBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 6.
23. 9 OctEight Questions
24. 8 OctBathroom Monologue: Ghost Dancer
25. 7 OctBathroom Monologue: The Grudges
26. 6 OctBathroom Monologue: To The Door
27. 5 OctBathroom Monologue: Gay Marriage in ______
28. 4 OctBathroom Monologue: Burden of Proof
29. 3 OctBathroom Monologue: The Last Man and His Mother
30. 2 OctBathroom Monologue: Loving the Dead
31. 1 OctBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins for Him. 5.

September 2010

1. 30 SepBathroom Monologue: Good Thomas
2. 29 SepBathroom Monologue: A Decent Candidate
3. 28 SepBathroom Monologue: Is there a High Road?
4. 27 SepBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 3. (Re-Upload)
5. 26 SepBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 4.
6. 25 SepTwo Publications, One Proposal
7. 24 SepBathroom Monologue: Highlights of Another Life
8. 23 SepBathroom Monologue: Overweight smoker, 93, outlives third doctor
9. 22 SepBathroom Monologue: All Chemistry
10. 21 SepBathroom Monologue: Green Witch, CT
11. 20 SepIlliterary Analysis of Don Quixote
12. 19 SepBathroom Monologue: He’s got the patience for it
13. 18 SepBathroom Monologue: Monologue for a chipper Ian McKellan sitting on a picnic table
14. 17 SepBathroom Monologue: Shark Café
15. 16 SepBathroom Monologue: Riverbrook Station
16. 15 SepBathroom Monologue: True Stories of John, 3 – He’ll Be an Engineer
17. 14 SepBathroom Monologue: Issue With Sunlight
18. 13 SepBathroom Monologue: Fairy Funny
19. 12 SepBathroom Monologue: A Presidential Offer
20. 11 SepBathroom Monologue: Skeletons in the Closet
21. 10 SepBathroom Monologue: Viewers Like You
22. 9 SepBathroom Monologue: The Task of Waverly Mothers
23. 8 SepBathroom Monologue: Bombs Away
24. 7 SepBathroom Monologue: Flaccid Floods
25. 6 SepInterview at the Other Side
26. 5 SepTrue Stories of John, 2 - Response to Bracknell
27. 4 SepR.A.Q. 2010 Edition
28. 3 SepBathroom Monologue: Man is the Master of His Own Home
29. 2 SepBathroom Monologue: Liner Notes for "Non-Starter"
30. 1 SepBathroom Monologue: What You Want

August 2010

1. 31 AugSeven Somethings, Thanks Anthony
2. 30 AugBathroom Monologue: The Invincible and The Endless
3. 29 AugBathroom Monologue: True Stories of John 1, A Dream
4. 28 AugBathroom Monologue: One Million Words
5. 27 AugRAQ Questions for 2010
6. 27 AugBathroom Monologue: In Sheep's
7. 26 AugBathroom Monologue: $600,000,000 Man
8. 25 AugBathroom Monologue: A Little Bit of Alright
9. 24 AugKilling To Kill a Mockingbird
10. 23 AugBathroom Monologue: His People’s Story, OR, Listening to Desmond Tutu does this to me, and I’d like to apologize to him
11. 22 AugBathroom Monologue: Exaggeration
12. 21 AugBathroom Art Challenge
13. 20 AugBathroom Monologue: Kill Mommy
14. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: The Fate of Arthur
15. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Sky Reader Meets Skeptic
16. 17 AugInception's Secret
17. 16 AugBathroom Monologue: Dialogue that sprang after hearing that Leo Tolstoy wished people only to write for posterity, never for their own times
18. 15 AugBathroom Monologue: A Biography Inaction
19. 14 AugBathroom Monologue: Colored Language
20. 13 AugBathroom Monologue: Consultation on the Mystery Thief
21. 12 AugBathroom Monologue: No Taxation
22. 11 AugBathroom Monoloogue: ****ing Banshees
23. 10 AugBathroom Monologue: Are Videogames Art? Listing Curiosities
24. 9 AugBathroom Monologue: Randy and His Maker
25. 8 Aug"Headlights Go Out" at Thaumatrope
26. 7 AugBathroom Monologue: Ranting Moon Hermit
27. 6 AugBathroom Monologue: Finding Buddha in the Road, OR, “If you find Buddha in the road….” –Chinese Proverb
28. 5 AugVote for A Necessary Getaway
29. 5 AugBathroom Monologue: What would you do if you could time travel?
30. 4 AugBathroom Monologue: Feudal Zombies
31. 3 AugBathroom Monologue: Hold Down the Fort, or, The Guardian’s David Mitchell hates the expression “Hold down the fort”
32. 2 AugBathroom Monologue: The God of Amusement
33. 1 AugBathroom Monologue: The Empress Could Use New Clothes

July 2010

1. 31 JulBathroom Monologue: Telepaths Don’t Exist
2. 30 JulBathroom Monologue: Spill Into Oil
3. 29 JulBathroom Monologue: Making Over Math
4. 28 JulBathroom Monologue: The Box is Boss
5. 27 JulBathroom Monologue: Another Unapologetic Conversational Pun
6. 26 JulBathroom Monologue: The Moon Landing Was Fake
7. 25 JulBathroom Monologue: Stones Get Things Done
8. 24 JulBathroom Monologue: "Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door" -Emily Dickinson, Part Two: Nature, XXXIX
9. 23 JulBathroom Monologue: TEMPORARILY REDACTED
10. 22 JulBathroom Monologue: Censoring the Internet with Piranhas
11. 21 JulBathroom Monologue: Missing His Lamp
12. 20 JulBathroom Monologue: How short can I make this story?
13. 19 JulAwards
14. 18 JulBathroom Monologue: Fox, goose and grain riddle
15. 17 JulBathroom Monologue: The Apologies of a Shit Head
16. 16 JulBathroom Monologue: Doing the Undoable
17. 15 JulBathroom Monologue: “I’d rather be a rising ape than a fallen angel.” –Terry Pratchett, interview with The Guardian
18. 14 JulBathroom Monologue: Literary Heritage in Five Lines
19. 13 JulBathroom Monologue: When the World Stops Vibrating
20. 12 JulBathroom Monologue: Excerpt from Imaginary Submissions Guidelines
21. 11 JulBathroom Monologue: A Necessary Getaway (Redux)
22. 10 JulBathroom Monologue: People Are Worse Than Clowns
23. 9 JulBathroom Monologue: Dialogue for two soldiers sweeping for snipers in Iraq, OR, Things John mumbled to himself watching Hurt Locker
24. 8 Jul'The Sea' over at 10Flash
25. 7 JulBathroom Monologue: Ogre/Troll
26. 6 JulBathroom Monologue: Tomorrow Man
27. 5 JulBathroom Monologue: Thor the Jetstream
28. 4 JulBathroom Monologue: Pitch for “Odysseus: Dumb ****ing Author Killer”
29. 3 JulBathroom Monologue: Change
30. 2 JulBathroom Monologue: Off
31. 1 JulBathroom Monologue: Total #eclipse of the Heart

June 2010

1. 30 JunBathroom Monologue: In a Few Short Months
2. 29 Jun"Exposure by Community" at Mad Utopia
3. 28 JunBathroom Monologue: Uranium Plot
4. 27 JunBathroom Monologue: Macroscope
5. 26 Jun"Rorschark Attack" in Branded Words Anthology
6. 25 JunBathroom Monologue: Eat My Gun, OR, “…or I will eat my gun.” –Popular wager in the mythical Wild West
7. 24 JunBathroom Monologue: Make Her Reaper
8. 23 JunBathroom Monologue: Vampire Heart Attack
9. 22 JunFleming-Mayer Aid Drive At The Bijou
10. 21 JunBathroom Monologue: The Monomyth
11. 20 JunBathroom Monologue: She’ll Come Around
12. 19 Jun"Child Eaters" at Thaumatrope.
13. 18 JunBathroom Monologue: Get Rid of #1
14. 17 JunBathroom Monologue: Bad Penny, Life Two
15. 16 JunBathroom Monologue: Bad Penny, Life One
16. 15 Jun"Exposure by Community" in a Contest
17. 14 JunBathroom Monologue: L’aughterlife (It’s French)
18. 13 Jun"Hold Down the Fort" at Muskoka River
19. 12 JunBathroom Monologue: "How are you feeling?" -A well-meaning friend
20. 11 JunBathroom Monologue: A Consumer Savage, OR, Taking a Swing at Arthur C. Clarke
21. 10 JunBathroom Monologue: Can the description of a painting be a story?
22. 9 JunBathroom Monologue: Troll Park
23. 8 JunBathroom Monologue: “If a man hasn't discovered something that he will die for, he isn't fit to live.” - Martin Luther King Jr.
24. 7 JunBathroom Monologue: Remake Story
25. 6 JunMonologue for a male theologian who is somehow hired to do the commencement speech for an all-girls college
26. 5 JunBathroom Monologue: Gooseless
27. 4 JunBathroom Monologue: The More Dangerous Game
28. 3 JunBathroom Monologue: Port Noy's Complaint
29. 2 JunHelp for Jemma and Shelly
30. 1 JunBathroom Monologue: Lame Parrot

May 2010

1. 31 MayBathroom Monologue: Necessity, the Harlot
2. 30 MayLeft Brain, Right Brain, No Brain, Whole Brain
3. 29 MayBathroom Monologue: Life, the Universe, and the End of Everything
4. 28 MaySologamous at Untied Shoelaces
5. 27 MayInside the Creative Process (and a cave)
6. 26 MayBathroom Monologue: The Original Story of Hansel and Gretel
7. 25 MayBathroom Monologue: Apples for Science
8. 24 May"Counting With George" at On The Wing
9. 23 MayBathroom Monologue: Michael Solender wants a Bathroom Monologue about my pinkies
10. 22 MayBathroom Monologue: The Living Curse
11. 21 MayBathroom Monologue: Work the Curse
12. 20 MayBathroom Monologue: “You have ten million dollars for the use of showing that some aspect of evolutionary theory is true. What do you do?”
13. 19 MayBathroom Monologue: John Misses the Point of Children of Men
14. 18 MayBathroom Monologue: Vineguard Does Not Live in Denial
15. 17 MayBathroom Monologue: Paved With
16. 16 MayQuilted For Your Pleasure: If Iron Man 2’s Script Were Edited by John Wiswell
17. 15 MayBathroom Monologue: Monologue for Laurence Fishburne cast as a domineering teacher
18. 14 MayBathroom Monologue: France Bans High Heels
19. 13 MayBathroom Monologue: How much does a shit ton weigh?
20. 12 MayOuttake from a Recent Short Story
21. 11 MayBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins for Him. 3.
22. 10 MayExposure by Community
23. 9 MayGodzilla Haiku at... Godzilla Haiku?
24. 8 MayBathroom Monologue: Trying to think up a new religion for this fantasy novel
25. 7 MayBathroom Monologue: Peer Advice
26. 6 MayBathroom Monologue: Libratarians
27. 5 MayBathroom Monologue: Guilty By Nature
28. 4 MayBathroom Monologue: AE Micro Contest Entry
29. 3 MayBathroom Monologue: Quantum physicists make bad TV salesmen.
30. 2 MayQuilted For Your Pleasure: Dragonslayer Armor
31. 1 MayBathroom Monologue: Born Elsewhere

April 2010

1. 30 AprBathroom Monologue: In the Nature of Scorpions and Tortoises
2. 29 AprBathroom Haiku: The Funeral
3. 28 AprBathroom Monologue: Capital Idea (An Interview)
4. 27 AprBathroom Monologue: Monster Eaters
5. 26 AprBathroom Monologue: Murphy’s Sister’s Law
6. 25 AprQuilted For Your Pleasure: Third Opinion
7. 24 AprBathroom Monologue: It Feels (A Godzilla Haiku)
8. 23 AprBathroom Monologue: The .lit Revolution
9. 22 AprBathroom Monologue: Karen Schindler and Jodi MacArthur want me to write about “Comment Gobblers”
10. 21 AprBathroom Monologue: From Oosa
11. 20 AprBathroom Monologue: Max Cantor asks me to write a monologue with the title "Murder: The most important meal of the day."
12. 19 AprBathroom Monologue: x6
13. 18 AprQuilted For Your Pleasure: Rabbi, Priest, Minister Joke
14. 17 AprBathroom Monologue: Cracked Window
15. 16 AprBathroom Monologue: Certainty in Mystery
16. 15 AprBathroom Monologue: "I was just expected to organize a role play event with little details, and an hour to pull it off" -A friend
17. 14 AprBathroom Monologue: Two Cannibal Giants
18. 13 AprBathroom Monologue: The Lies Parents Tell
19. 12 AprMagic, Smoke and Mirrors at Thaumatrope
20. 11 AprQuilted For Your Pleasure: Yep
21. 10 AprAlligators by Twitter on… Twitter?
22. 9 AprBathroom Monologue: It’s its own form of love
23. 8 AprWiswell Joins the Interblog Choose Your Own Adventure
24. 7 AprBathroom Monologue: What did I even say?
25. 6 AprComputer Education at Every Day Fiction
26. 5 AprBathroom Monologue: From Below, with Love
27. 4 AprBathroom Monologue: Friend wants a haiku about the Warhammer orcs, which sprouted from mushrooms and exist in Medieval and Cosmic Fantasy
28. 3 AprAlligators by Twitter on Flash Fiction Online
29. 2 AprBathroom Monologue: Of Turnips, Giants and Men
30. 1 AprBathroom Monologue: Miracle of Bed

March 2010

1. 31 MarBathroom Monologue: Socrates Vs. The Pigs
2. 30 MarBathroom Monologue: Yes, I know it means other things
3. 29 MarBathroom Monologue: Do you have kids?
4. 28 MarBathroom Monologue: “The president is telling lawmakers, ‘If you want to fight about this, be my guest.’” –Some news anchor, CNN, March 25, 2010
5. 27 MarBathroom Monologue: On Grace’s Side
6. 26 MarBathroom Monologue: Colored Scoundrels
7. 25 MarBathroom Monologue: Whiny Cat Wants
8. 24 MarBathroom Monologue: It’s an Honor to be Nominated
9. 23 MarBathroom Monologue: Seeking Virgin
10. 22 MarBathroom Monologue: Headlines
11. 21 MarQuilted For Your Pleasure: National Solipsists Society
12. 20 MarBathroom Monologue: A Giant Giant
13. 19 MarBathroom Monologue: Why is the Nickel Bigger than the Dime?, or, The Feud Between Alexander Hamilton and God
14. 18 MarBathroom Monologue: Retropocalypse
15. 17 MarBathroom Monologue: The True Story of Teddy Bear
16. 16 MarBathroom Monologue: First Man on the Moon
17. 15 MarBathroom Monologue: Square Before Circle
18. 14 MarTrue History Week
19. 14 MarBathroom Monologue: Uncivilized Dining
20. 13 MarBathroom Monologue: The author, the character, and Gurta the Demon
21. 12 MarBathroom Monologue: Do Not Hug the Golem
22. 11 Mar"He" Attacks The Bijou
23. 10 MarBathroom Monologue: Be Both, My Son
24. 9 MarBathroom Monologue: What Happened at the Race
25. 8 MarInstructions [WARNING: EXPLICIT MATERIAL]
26. 8 MarWitches on Thaumatrope
27. 7 MarBathroom Monologue: Bubble Branes
28. 6 MarBathroom Monologue: How Neat a Future
29. 5 MarEvolution of Silverware, OR, “Do you believe forks evolved from spoons?” –Blogspot question
30. 4 MarBathroom Monologue: Salek the Shapeshifter
31. 3 MarBathroom Monologue: A Get-Well Voodoo Doll for Gerard
32. 2 MarBathroom Monologue: All Alone
33. 1 MarTen Revelations About John Wiswell

February 2010

1. 28 FebQuilted For Your Pleasure: All He Tastes is Burning
2. 27 FebBathroom Monologue: What is the trial of the century?
3. 26 FebBathroom Monologue: Transgender
4. 25 FebBathroom Monologue: Fifty Blank Pages
5. 24 FebBathroom Monologue: Correlation and Causation
6. 23 FebBathroom Monologue: Imaginary answer to an imaginary question asked by Charlie Rose in an interview that never happened
7. 22 FebBathroom Monologue: Magical Science
8. 21 FebBathroom Monologue: “Today’s Writing Prompt: Death” or, He Died on the Keyboard
9. 20 FebBathroom Monologue: A Pact with a God
10. 19 FebBathroom Moologue: While he fixes his collar
11. 18 FebBathroom Monologue: Why Curling Rules
12. 17 FebBathroom Monologue: Janitor Saves Mummy
13. 16 FebBathroom Monologue: A Win or a Gas
14. 15 FebBathroom Monologue: Invisible Harness
15. 14 FebThe Strange Case of East Parish at Alienskin Magazine
16. 13 FebBathroom Monologue: Mobility: Underrated
17. 12 FebBathroom Monologue: Feldman will Never be a Man
18. 11 FebBathroom Monologue: The Other Place Sam Went
19. 10 FebBathroom Monologue: Rent-a-Time
20. 9 FebBathroom Monologue: It’s not a Purgatory
21. 8 FebBathroom Monologue: After This, Play Chutes and Ladders
22. 7 FebAfterlife Week
23. 7 FebBathroom Monologue: It Could be Worse
24. 6 FebBathroom Monologue: Behold!
25. 5 FebBathroom Monologue: Planet Versus Spaceship
26. 4 FebBathroom Monologue: Things I would say to J.D. Salinger's head if we were both cloned, decapitated and kept in a Futurama-like museum
27. 3 FebBathroom Monologue: Describe UFO
28. 2 Feb"Writing for Millions" at Editors Unleashed
29. 1 FebBathroom Monologue: “Monetize the eyes” –Advertising jargon

January 2010

1. 31 JanBathroom Monologue: Trying a kidney joke at twitter length
2. 30 JanBathroom Monologue: Did you kick out His secretary, too?
3. 29 JanBathroom Monologue: Three Story Statement
4. 28 JanCircle of Friends
5. 28 JanBathroom Monologue: Crossdressers for Rights
6. 27 JanBathroom Monologue: Feedback on the Best of a Century
7. 26 JanBathroom Monologue: Global Heating
8. 25 JanBathroom Monologue: Sick Day Thoughts
9. 24 JanBathroom Monologue: War of the Rings
10. 23 JanThe Puzzlemaker's Wife at Tweet the Meat
11. 22 JanBathroom Monologue: Checkered Treasure
12. 21 JanBathroom Monologue: “Report: One in five women have dumped partners over gaming” –Stephany Nunneley, vg247.com
13. 20 JanBathroom Monologue: Purple Happy Birthday
14. 19 JanBathroom Monologue: The Flower Pit
15. 18 JanBathroom Monologue: Cloud Garden
16. 17 JanBathroom Monologue: Nation Building
17. 16 JanBathroom Monologue: God of Rebellion
18. 15 JanHelping the Nice Guy
19. 14 JanBathroom Monologue: If there’s one piece of advice
20. 13 JanBathroom Monologue: No Sam For You
21. 12 JanBathroom Monologue: The Pen is Mightier than the Ultimate
22. 11 JanBathroom Monologue: Why the trick didn’t work on Devin
23. 10 JanBathroom Monologue: So Much Moral Ox Feces
24. 9 JanBathroom Monologue: Simple Discourse on Allergies
25. 8 JanBathroom Monologue: Mystery Belt
26. 7 JanBathroom Monologue: Digital Preservation of Swear Words
27. 6 JanBathroom Monologue: Anyone Can Do Malaise
28. 5 JanBathroom Monologue: A Beat Passes
29. 4 JanBathroom Monologue: What would happen if a dog met God?
30. 3 JanBathroom Monologue: Responses to Check Out Time
31. 2 JanBathroom Monologue: Future Tensed Up
32. 1 JanBathroom Monologue: Free Again
33. 1 JanBathroom Monologue: Eleven Decades in Eleven Words (Defining time periods with humorous and devastating oversimplification).

2009 422

December 2009

1. 31 DecBathroom Monologue: "You write a lot. What's your secret?" -Anonymous, OR, Rules For Writing
2. 30 DecBathroom Monologue: Joking About Dying
3. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: Letter from Gorosaurus
4. 28 DecBathroom Monologue: Fake Craigslist Ad for an Atheologian
5. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Emperor Monologue
6. 26 DecBathroom Monologues: My Muslim Bruthaz
7. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: A Necessary Getaway
8. 24 DecThe Ten Clues of Christmas
9. 24 DecBathroom Monologue: Accident Proof
10. 23 DecBathroom Monologue: The Case of Rock V. Scissors
11. 22 DecBathroom Monologue: Norman's Inflatable Tacos
12. 21 DecBathroom Monologues: The Winning Goddess
13. 20 DecBathroom Monologue: Worst of Men
14. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Tug on that Cape
15. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: The Head-Organ’s Import
16. 17 DecBathroom Monologue: Ma Newer's Television Set ®
17. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: Ways to create a haunted car
18. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: Mental Pun
19. 14 DecBathroom Monologue: What would you do if a man advanced on you with a sword?
20. 13 DecBOBS, or, ____
21. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: How do you pronounce “Tatopolus?”
22. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: Soda Castle
23. 10 DecBathroom Monologue: Steak the Vampires
24. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: New Twitter Committee Law
25. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: Moving Dangerously Close to Web Comic Territory
26. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: To Disappear
27. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: This came dangerously close to being a true story
28. 5 DecAn Alternate Abstinence Argument
29. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: The Balrog Looms
30. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: Rice Allergy
31. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: Ultimatum in the South
32. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: The Morning Scrubber

November 2009

1. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: Zine Works
2. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: Petri Dish Sister
3. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: Analysis of the Hagakure
4. 27 NovBathroom Monologue: His Name is Victor
5. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: New Goddess in Town
6. 25 NovBathroom Monologue: Lesser White Shark
7. 24 NovBathroom Monologue: Wereman
8. 23 NovBathroom Monologue: Ultrasound Reasoning
9. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: Spider Ruins Man
10. 21 NovBathroom Monologue: Natural Man
11. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: “If it didn’t happen, it can’t happen.” –Some dude on Lost, on time travel
12. 20 NovPai Guan visits Stories That Lift
13. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: The Trolley Fallacy
14. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: One Day in Chatham, Kent
15. 17 NovBathroom Monologue: Knock on Wood
16. 16 NovIslamic Gorgon
17. 15 NovNotice: John Away For Surgery, Donation Drive Begins
18. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: On Lex Luthor
19. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: "Is football any better than dogfighting?" -Malcolm Gladwell from Oct. 19 New Yorker
20. 13 NovBathroom Monologue: Fuel for Greatness, OR, "How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness" -Joshua Shenk in "Lincoln's Melancholy"
21. 12 NovBathroom Monologue: The Drop Off Signal
22. 11 NovBathroom Monologue: Punctuation Remarks
23. 10 NovBathroom Monologue: Alternative Arthurian Lore Story Ideas
24. 9 NovBathroom Monologue: You didn’t have to elope.
25. 8 NovBathroom Monologue: Livetweeting the Second Coming
26. 7 NovBathroom Monologue: The Dubba
27. 6 NovBathroom Monologue: In Defense of Snake Oil Salesmen
28. 5 Nov"Rorschark Attack" in Best of the Web contest
29. 5 NovBathroom Monologue: Bathtub Monologue
30. 4 NovBathroom Monologue: Simply Lost
31. 3 NovBathroom Monologue: Dear Pet Owners Weekly
32. 2 NovOn "Trade Secrets Revealed" and Clickable Comments
33. 2 NovBathroom Monologue: 52 Times
34. 1 NovBathroom Monologue: Ghosts are Jerks

October 2009

1. 31 OctBathroom Monologue: Devil Gone Missing
2. 31 Oct#trickortweet
3. 30 OctBathroom Monologue: Succubyebye
4. 30 Oct"Familiarity Does" at Listen to the Voices and Imagination at Editors Unleashed
5. 29 OctBathroom Monologue: Culturally, it's Three Wishes to a Genie or Three Sneezes to a Wish
6. 28 OctBathroom Monologue: Cadet Report – Alex [LAST NAME WITHHELD]
7. 27 OctBathroom Monologue: Price War
8. 26 OctBathroom Monologue: Construction
9. 25 OctBathroom Monologue: Being the Same
10. 24 OctBathroom Monologue: Think he can still get a reference?
11. 23 OctBathroom Monologue: The Great Ghost’s True Identity
12. 22 OctBathroom Monologue: An Eye, a Finger
13. 21 OctBathroom Monologue: Heart of the Waterfall
14. 20 OctBathroom Monologue: Spread it on Asphalt Toast
15. 19 OctBathroom Monologue: While Shaving Monologue
16. 18 OctBathroom Monologue: legit lol
17. 17 OctMowing
18. 16 OctInspired by Yoko Kanno’s “Call Me” and a Childhood with Elizabeth Wright
19. 15 OctThe Time I Met Captain Lou Albano
20. 15 OctBathroom Monologue: Evening Out, Evening In
21. 14 OctBathroom Monologue: Night Kings
22. 13 OctBathroom Monologue: Challenge to Write Six Sentences like an Author you Love – I’m not saying who this is
23. 12 OctBathroom Monologue: Beats a Neon Sign
24. 11 OctBathroom Monologue: The Feeling of Bobby James
25. 11 OctSeven Six-Sentences
26. 10 OctBathroom Monologue: Really lame pun that only works if you pronounce “guards” in an aristocratic British accent
27. 9 OctBathroom Monologue: No Militaries in the Gay
28. 8 OctBathroom Monologue: Easy as 2 + 2
29. 7 OctNo Thanks, Biological Father, OR, Believe it or not, inspired more by Tokyo Godfathers than a decade of disappointment
30. 6 OctBathroom Monologue: Toilet Tissue Tears It
31. 5 OctBM: “in some places the number of photons was actually less than zero” –from the March 5th Economist, OR, Really loud and breathless monologue
32. 4 OctBathroom Monologue: Bumper Sticker Threat Level
33. 3 OctBathroom Monologue: Sampling Coleridge, if “sampling” was synonymous with “bastardizing” is the word
34. 2 OctBathroom Monologue: Reliable Photographer
35. 1 OctBathroom Monologue: Got to read to…

September 2009

1. 30 SepBathroom Monologue: Intellectual Middle Finger
2. 29 SepBathroom Monologue: Two Love, OR, Dedicated to Trevor McPherson
3. 29 SepBathroom Monologue: Fundamentally
4. 28 SepBathroom Monologue: "For thematic material and smoking." -Explanation for I’ve Loved You So Long’s PG-13 rating in its MPAA rating box
5. 27 SepBathroom Monologue: Bullhonky
6. 26 SepFrankenstein's Monsters on Every Day Fiction
7. 26 SepBathroom Monologue: Mummy Interviewed
8. 25 SepBathroom Monologue: Guerrilla Smile, OR, Possible Origins for Him. 2.
9. 24 SepCrash Timeline
10. 23 SepBathroom Monologue: Fingernails Keep Growing
11. 22 SepBathroom Monologue: Sixty-Second Writing Challenge, writing about the word “Wanted.”
12. 22 SepShe Danced in Burst Magazine
13. 21 SepBathroom Monologue: “Over the competition I am Tao Ren” –Mishearing L.L. Cool J.’s “Mama Said Knock You Out”
14. 20 SepSlow Theology, OR, That’s literal, even for me
15. 19 SepBathroom Monologue: Insults that Should Be Used, OR, “…dog devourer.” –Brian Aldiss, Total Environment
16. 18 SepBathroom Monologue: The Rule of Eleven Daughters
17. 17 SepBathroom Monologue: God Don’t Like Ugly
18. 16 SepBathroom Monologue: “…the hell of solipsism.” –Donald Barthelme, A Shower of Gold
19. 15 SepBathroom Monologue: Another sudden bout of bathroom dialogue
20. 14 SepBathroom Monologue: Centaur Hanging
21. 13 SepThe Best of Bathroom Monologue Twittering
22. 12 SepBathroom Monologue: Social Creature
23. 12 SepComment Moderation Off
24. 11 SepBathroom Monologue: Materialism is the ideal that there are no ideals
25. 10 SepBathroom Monologue: Possible Origins For Him. 1.
26. 9 SepBathroom Monologue: Holy Grounds and Coffee
27. 8 SepA query in response to the “anathema” plots list on http://clarkesworldmagazine.com/submissions/
28. 7 SepBathroom Monologue: Welcome to the Lady in the Lake Weapons Shop.
29. 6 SepBathroom Monologue: No Children Under 22 Admitted
30. 5 SepBathroom Monologue: This Place is Flat
31. 4 SepHave you seen my R.A.Q.? 2009 Edition
32. 3 Sep60 Second Writing Challenge: What wouldn’t you let servants do for you?
33. 2 SepR.A.Q. 2 Rising
34. 2 SepBathroom Monologue: Zoroastrian Dodgeball
35. 1 SepMother of Mercy

August 2009

1. 31 AugBathroom Monologue: I was the oldest child and the last to learn to tie my shoes
2. 30 AugBathroom Monologue: Of Car Culture
3. 29 AugBathroom Monologue: Better ways Macbeth could have ended
4. 28 AugBathroom Monologue: The Thirteenth Floor
5. 27 Aug10,000 Hits!
6. 27 AugBathroom Monologue: Breaking Reel Ground
7. 26 AugBathroom Monologue: Lance Armstrong, first man on the moon?
8. 25 AugBathroom Monologue: With that Fish
9. 24 AugR.A.Q. 2
10. 24 AugBathroom Monologue: The Fox’s Dilemma
11. 23 AugBathroom Monologue: “What's your gay fantasy?” –Somebody on the TV as I was walking out of the room
12. 22 AugBathroom Monologue: This Was How He Said Goodbye
13. 21 AugBathroom Monologue: Six Sentence Haiku
14. 20 AugBathroom Monologue: Earth Squared
15. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: 6 Questions Again (challenge to write six cohesive questions)
16. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Edward Brownie
17. 17 AugBathroom Monologue: WILL SHOOT YOU IN THE HEAD, 2 FOR $1
18. 17 AugSix Sentence Week 5
19. 16 Aug#classicsontwitter 2
20. 16 AugBathroom Monologue: What would I do…?, OR, Recently unearthed, one of the original Bathroom Monologues was a mental comic strip
21. 15 AugBathroom Monologue: Ms. Logic
22. 14 AugBathroom Monologue: Magic Carpet Dried
23. 13 AugBathroom Monologue: “Uh, I dropped your piano.” a non-teacher to a teacher in Chalk
24. 12 AugBathroom Monologue: Misreading Abbreviations in the Bathroom, OR, “Wall St. Fraud Leaves Charities Reeling” –Stephanie Strom, New York Times
25. 11 AugBathroom Monologue: "Drop 47 pounds!" -Some magazine at the checkout counter
26. 10 AugBathroom Monologue: C.C.C.
27. 9 Aug#classicsontwitter
28. 9 AugBathroom Monologue: Missed the deadline for Field & Stream's six-word story contest
29. 8 AugSpotlight on Me?
30. 8 AugBathroom Monologue: Acedia
31. 7 AugBathroom Monologue: Invidia
32. 6 AugBathroom Monologue: Superbia
33. 5 AugBathroom Monologue: Ira
34. 4 AugBathroom Monologue: Avaritia
35. 3 AugBathroom Monologue: Gula
36. 2 AugBathroom Monologue: Luxuria
37. 1 AugBathroom Monologue: Bottle Them

July 2009

1. 31 JulBathroom Monologue: Stop the Watch
2. 31 JulNext Week, Vice Week
3. 30 JulBathroom Monologue: A Snide Moment
4. 29 JulBathroom Monologue: Take the Other Side
5. 28 JulBathroom Monologue: “Shit rolls down hill.” –Popular excuse for insensitive behavior
6. 27 JulBathroom Monologue: Boo
7. 26 JulMy Contributions to Max Cantor's #flagofmycountry Challenge on Twitter
8. 25 JulBathroom Monologue: Totem Polls
9. 24 JulBathroom Monologue: Inspector Conan, an anime about a teenager stuck in a child’s body who solves crimes, has gone over 500 episodes, OR, Could you..?
10. 23 JulBathroom Monologue: Shadowing at the Oscars
11. 22 JulBathroom Monologue: Deaf Leading
12. 22 JulThe Nearest Thing in Flash 40 Anthology
13. 21 JulFinalist at readingwriters.com
14. 21 JulBathroom Monologue: Cave Man Logan
15. 20 JulBathroom Monologue: Balls
16. 19 JulBathroom Monologue: Thinking of the Phone in the Bathroom
17. 18 JulBathroom Monologue: En Medea Res
18. 18 JulBathroom Monologue: Unwatchable Edition
19. 17 JulBathroom Monologue: Grocer Chat
20. 16 JulBathroom Monologue: Split Swords
21. 15 JulBathroom Monologue: Previously On #003
22. 14 JulBathroom Monologue: 4th Grade Vengeance
23. 13 JulBathroom Monologue: When the Machines Win
24. 12 JulBathroom Monologue: Consternation
25. 11 JulBathroom Monologue: The Accidental Advent of Day (haiku)
26. 10 JulBathroom Monologue: Hung Lo’s Chinese Takeout
27. 9 JulFears of a Pluto Fan, OR, “oh, may we pray, the author was not defacting as he IM'd” –Randall Nichols in an IM
28. 8 JulBathroom Monologue: Hers
29. 7 JulBathroom Monologue: Comprehension: The Equipment of the Human Mind Vs. The Problems of the World
30. 6 JulBathroom Monologue: Unexpected Aquatic Protection
31. 5 JulBathroom Monologue: Going to the Good Battle
32. 4 JulBathroom Monologue: Ways to Read
33. 4 Jul“It was his turn” on Blink Ink
34. 3 JulBathroom Monologue: Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody…
35. 2 JulDevil Gone Missing on Thrillers, Killers & Chillers
36. 2 JulBathroom Monologue: Two Horns, Six Sentences
37. 1 JulChannel Surfing

June 2009

1. 30 JunBathroom Monologue: Pun Time
2. 29 JunBathroom Monologue: Kiddy Kitty
3. 29 JunSix Sentence Week 4
4. 28 JunBathroom Monologue: Umbrellas
5. 28 JunBathroom Monologue: Why Vampires Suck
6. 28 JunBathroom Monologue: Fawcett Vs. Jackson, OR, I'm probably going to Hell now
7. 27 JunScheduled Post Problem
8. 27 JunBathroom Monologue: Constant Change
9. 26 JunBathroom Monologue: Words in Tribute to In Tribute to Auguste Rodin’s The Thinker
10. 25 JunTwittertacular
11. 25 JunBathroom Monologue: Freewrite on blind quote, "loves labors lost"
12. 24 JunPreviously On as a Regular Serial?
13. 24 JunBathroom Monologue: Previously On #002
14. 23 JunBathroom Monologue: Unknowable Skill
15. 22 JunBathroom Monologue: As Many As the Beast
16. 21 JunBathroom Monologue: All-Father’s Day
17. 20 JunBathroom Monologue: "Las Vegas: What's Your Excuse?" -Tourism ad trying to get you to visit Nevada
18. 20 JunBathroom Monologue: Bio I composed in the bathroom and feel I really shouldn't use
19. 19 JunBathroom Monologue: Brutally Honest
20. 18 JunBM:“Do you people even know how to play this game?” –some jerk on Left 4 Dead, OR, What I came up with once I’d left the game and went to the bathroom
21. 17 JunThe Nearest Thing in Flash 40 Contest
22. 17 JunBathroom Monologue: Previously On #001
23. 16 JunBathroom Monologue: Penultimate, Ultimate, See Older Posts
24. 15 JunBathroom Monologue: Broadcasting From Unconfirmed
25. 14 JunBathroom Monologue: “What’s your sign?” –Guys throughout the ages who thought you were pretty but didn’t have anything to say
26. 13 JunBathroom Monologue: The Boy Who Didn’t Cry Wolf
27. 12 JunBathroom Monologue: The Gay/Straight Alliance - Where you just make out with everyone!
28. 11 JunBathroom Monologue: Web 2.0 is the Millionth English Word?, OR, The Preposterisk
29. 10 JunBathroom Monologue: Maroon of the Blue Hair
30. 9 JunBathroom Monologue: Magic Ring of Invisibility Vs. Scientific Injections of Invisibility
31. 8 JunWhat is your favorite Serial Bathroom Monologue?
32. 8 Jun"A Moment for the Duck-Billed Platypus" on Not From Here, Are You?
33. 8 JunBathroom Monologue: Scientific Injections of Invisibility Vs. Magic Ring of Invisibility
34. 7 JunBathroom Monologue: Thanks for the new mirror in here
35. 6 JunBathroom Monologue: In the Middle of Half-Life
36. 5 JunBathroom Monologue: Kronological, OR, Another of those oral puns
37. 4 JunEniglet on Audio
38. 4 JunBathroom Monologue: An Open Letter to String, from my Sister’s Cat
39. 3 JunBathroom Monologue: Three-Pronged Inference
40. 2 JunBathroom Monologue: Casper the Friendly Director
41. 1 JunBathroom Monologue: Eniglet

May 2009

1. 31 MayFelix and Creed Redux
2. 31 MayBathroom Monologue: Items Not Found In Videogames
3. 30 MayA Very Unfunny 'Driving Back From the Airport' Monologue
4. 29 MayBathroom Monologue: Renegade Sons and Gatorade Moms, OR, Brought to you by Styx’s “Renegade”
5. 28 MayA friend wants a concise explanation for a Communist superhero team
6. 27 MayOne of those quote ones
7. 26 MayBathroom Monologue: The Good with the Bad
8. 25 MayBathroom Monologue: Grin, OR, Oh yes, another pun one.
9. 24 MayBathroom Monologue: Ahimsa
10. 23 MayGrin on Flashshot
11. 23 MayBathroom Monologue: Finally Got Shelves
12. 22 MayBathroom Monologue: Bolshevik Swine
13. 21 MayBathroom Monologue: Gradients of Goodbye
14. 20 MayBathroom Monologue: Earl and the Muslim
15. 19 MayBathroom Monologue: Astral Plane or Astral Plain?
16. 18 MayBathroom Monologue: Sir Wallace Prepares for the Immortal
17. 18 MaySix Sentence Week 3
18. 17 MayBathroom Monologue: Things You Should Not Accept For Free
19. 16 MayBathroom Monologue: Something About Douglas Adams
20. 15 MayBathroom Monologue: They All Fall
21. 14 MayBathroom Monologue: Market Place of Ideals
22. 13 MayChildren's story on Flashshot
23. 13 MayI’m not projecting on Homer here, so I don’t know what I’m really doing...
24. 12 MayBathroom Monologue: “Where do you live again? Copack Lake? Cupcake Lake?” –One friend too many
25. 11 MayBathroom Monologue: The Men Who Went Thursday
26. 11 MayStory on MicroHorror
27. 10 MayBathroom Monologue: Left Wanting
28. 8 MayBathroom Monologue: The Bizaar
29. 7 MayBathroom Monologue: United Prussian Airways introduces Socialist Class
30. 6 May“What would a ghost be scared of?” –Some guy on Supernatural, Season 2, the Hollywood Babylon episode
31. 5 MayI feel There Will Be Blood was the weakest of the Saw films
32. 4 MayBathroom Twitter Experiment V.1, P.001
33. 3 MayBathroom Monologue: Admiring Gruff’s rifle
34. 2 MayBathroom Monologue: Yet Another Crotchety Bathroom Aphorism?
35. 1 MayBathroom Monologue: School of Bad Assassins

April 2009

1. 30 AprBathroom Monologue: Cartwheels
2. 29 AprBathroom Monologue: “ME – 5 cents” –Deposit stamp on Florida Orange Juice bottle, sold in New York
3. 28 Apr"Familiarity Does" on Powder Burn Flash
4. 28 AprBathroom Monologue: A Little Knowing Is…
5. 27 AprBathroom Monologue: Plastic People
6. 26 AprBathroom Monologue: Medium Listening
7. 25 AprBathroom Monologue: Respectable Shit, OR, Respect a Bull Shit, OR, Another Crotchety Bathroom Aphorism?
8. 24 AprBathroom Monologue: 5 to 30 to 1 to 6
9. 23 AprBathroom Monologue: Monster Genome Theory
10. 22 AprBathroom Monologue: Unknowable Threat
11. 21 AprBathroom Monologue: Technology and Magic Were Meant to Work Together in the Hands of a Chosen Few Geniuses
12. 21 AprUnknowable Threat on Flashshot
13. 20 AprBathroom Monologue: Conversation Starters, OR, Readers, Please Respond
14. 19 AprBathroom Monologue: Self-Defeating Prophecy
15. 18 AprBathroom Monologue: Crotchety Bathroom Aphorism?
16. 17 AprBathroom Monologue: Friendly Tortragon
17. 16 AprBathroom Monologue: Newton and Priestley Become the Two Old Muppets on that Balcony
18. 15 AprBathroom Monologue: Space as a Starting Point
19. 14 Apr“Obama to ease Cuba travel restrictions” –Headline on CNN.com, OR...
20. 13 AprBathroom Monologue: Ping-Ponging Kids
21. 12 AprBathroom Monologue: Ghoulish
22. 11 AprBathroom Monologue: Mind Your Mines
23. 10 AprBathroom Monologue: An Argument Most Concise in Favor of Burning Books
24. 10 AprTheorobotics in the April/May Alien Skin
25. 9 AprBathroom Monologue: I Can’t Waltz
26. 8 AprBathroom Monologue: Six-Sentence Non-Fiction about Reading Fiction
27. 7 AprBathroom Monologue: Why the Mood?
28. 6 AprBathroom Monologue: The Reason
29. 6 AprSix Sentence Week 2
30. 5 AprBathroom Monologue: D.A.E.
31. 5 AprRorschark Attack at Short Story Library
32. 4 AprBathroom Monologue: Cashiers Have Their Ways
33. 3 AprBathroom Monologue: How It Sounds
34. 2 AprBathroom Monologue: Dead Wrong
35. 1 AprBathroom Monologue: Beta Testing for Go Outside

March 2009

1. 31 MarBathroom Monologue: Contextualization: A Picaresque
2. 30 MarBathroom Monologue: Decontextualization: A Novel
3. 29 MarBathroom Monologue: A Clue
4. 28 MarBathroom Monologue: Some Song About Ninjas
5. 27 Mar“Physicians may use [a] placebo for diagnosis or treatment only if the patient is informed of and agrees to its use.” –American Medical Association
6. 26 MarBathroom Monologue: Dwarfs on Stilts
7. 25 MarBathroom Monologue: I said it, thought nothing of it, and six hours later, burst into laughter
8. 24 MarBathroom Monologue: “Love is such an old-fashioned word.”-Samari Smith’s away message
9. 23 MarBathroom Monologue: Refried Griefers
10. 22 MarBathroom Monologue: Strife with Sandwiches
11. 21 MarBathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #6
12. 20 MarBathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #5
13. 19 MarBathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #4
14. 18 MarRejected Proposal #3
15. 17 MarBathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #2
16. 16 MarBathroom Monologue: Rejected Proposal #1
17. 16 MarRejected Proposal Week
18. 15 MarBathroom Monologue: To Be Wrong
19. 14 MarBathroom Monologue: Phoenix Baby, OR, Interpretations Are Not What They Seem
20. 13 MarBathroom Monologue: Giant Dissection
21. 12 MarBathroom Monologue: “How many equal sides does a scalene triangle have?” –The author’s brother-in-law in Know-It-All
22. 11 MarBathroom Monologue: When I was a kid, I thought Gandalf was Merlin on vacation from England
23. 10 MarBathroom Monologue: Fragrance of Success, OR, That is not how evolutionary biology works
24. 9 MarBathroom Monologue: Another tuna monologue, OR, I’m Feeling a Little Woody Allen Today
25. 8 MarBathroom Monologue: New Archery Event Announced
26. 7 MarBathroom Monologue: Sitting over an imaginary Ivan, who is in a permanent vegetative state in my tub
27. 6 MarBathroom Monologue: “I'd buy a hog and ride it to California.” –A random character in Kelly Link’s “Louise’s Ghost”
28. 5 MarBathroom Monologue: “What happens when an Orc goes underwear shopping?” –Me, trying to stump myself
29. 4 MarBathroom Monologue: Sitting over an imaginary court, OR, “You are as wise as you are gentle, my lord.” –A eunuch in George Martin’s Clash of Kings
30. 3 MarBathroom Monologue: Things for which a police officer has never pulled me over
31. 2 MarBathroom Monologue: The Six
32. 2 Mar"Rorschark Attack" on Short Story Library
33. 1 MarBathroom Monologue: “Ledger Oscar bittersweet” -Herald Sun headline

February 2009

1. 28 FebBathroom Monologue: F13 & V13 (Re-post for Six Sentences Week)
2. 27 FebBathroom Monologue: At Last, Atlas
3. 26 FebBathroom Monologue: One Man’s Ceiling
4. 25 FebBathroom Monologue: Hunting Dreams
5. 24 FebBathroom Monologue: Oh, Baby, OR, Heard a country song
6. 23 FebBathroom Monologue: Tectonic Psychology
7. 23 FebSix Sentence Week
8. 22 FebBathroom Monologue: Sleeping Butterface
9. 21 FebBathroom Monologue: “Some say now is not the time to point fingers. We disagree.” –Anderson Cooper, CNN
10. 20 FebBathroom Monologue: The F.o.S.P.
11. 19 FebBathroom Monologue: Utters and Cans
12. 18 FebBathroom Monologue: Elite, oft-conflated in anger with something else
13. 18 FebBathroom Monologue: Elitist, oft-defended in comfort as though it was something else
14. 17 FebBathroom Monologue: Anti-Deerism
15. 16 FebStumbleupon the Bathroom
16. 16 FebBathroom Monologues: Can I still do this?
17. 15 FebBathroom Monologue: Anti-Anti-Flag
18. 14 FebBathroom Monologue: Diet and Exercise
19. 14 FebBathroom Monologue: F13 & V14 (Non-Fiction)
20. 13 FebBathroom Monologue: Calmly
21. 12 FebBathroom Monologue: The Fry Cook Votes Independent
22. 11 FebBathroom Monologue: Wrath of the Writer
23. 11 Feb"Theorobotics" in Alien Skin this April
24. 10 FebThe sick, sad world of Wile E. Coyote, OR, In the car with a friend monologue
25. 9 FebBathroom Monologue: Don’t Take the Lord’s Name Intravenously, OR, Did you catch the pun in my timestamp?
26. 8 FebBathroom Monologue: Genre
27. 7 FebBathroom Monologue: Consumer’s Advocate
28. 6 Feb“Give me a lever big enough and I’ll move the world.” –Possibly Archimedes, possibly a clever student of his that got screwed on bylines, 2
29. 6 Feb“Give me a lever big enough and I’ll move the world.” –Possibly Archimedes, possibly a clever student of his that got screwed on bylines, 1
30. 5 FebBathroom Monologue: Things I do not miss about the beard
31. 4 FebBathroom Monologue: Hot Chocolate Religion
32. 3 FebBathroom Monologue: Cobalt
33. 2 FebBathroom Monologue: Chera and Thermos
34. 1 FebBathroom Monologue: Born Too

January 2009

1. 31 JanBathroom Monologue: 200 Vs. 40 + 2
2. 30 Jan55 Words is the Minimum and Limit for Pen Pricks Submissions
3. 29 JanBathroom Monologue: Practical Werewolf Defense
4. 28 JanBathroom Monologue: It was his turn
5. 27 JanBathroom Monologue: To each his own triceratops
6. 26 JanPen Pricks Week
7. 26 JanThis little form; what a sad little country, without territory or name.
8. 25 JanBathroom Monologue: Sandwich: Bread Vs. Meat
9. 24 JanBathroom Monologue: There’s no war like
10. 23 JanBathroom Monologue: So little time
11. 22 JanBathroom Monologue: Return of the King Jr.
12. 21 JanBathroom Monologue: She Danced
13. 20 JanBathroom Monologue: You had to be somewhere
14. 20 JanBathroom Monologue: St. Peter, with a Brooklyn Accent, Explaining Gender to Unborn Souls
15. 19 Jan"Here Lies John Wiswell" on Flashshot
16. 19 JanBathroom Monologue: A Good War
17. 18 JanBathroom Monologues: Some Anthropological Notes
18. 17 JanBathroom Monologue: How many of these sins are really deadly?
19. 16 JanBathroom Monologue: G1 and G2
20. 15 JanBathroom Monologue: A Thmale’s Pace
21. 14 JanBathroom Monologue: Philociraptor
22. 13 JanBathroom Monologue: Chlorophyll is Green
23. 12 JanBathroom Monologue: Obsessive Compulsive Order, OR, Love You, Deirdre
24. 11 JanBathroom Monologue: Thirty-Three Wiswell Squats Next to the Shower
25. 10 JanBathroom Monologue: Science Vs. Religion, Edition 3.5
26. 9 JanBathroom Monologue: Diversity Two
27. 8 JanBathroom Monologue: Rob Vs. Rob (no relation)
28. 7 JanBathroom Monologue: This one’s almost done
29. 6 JanBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Monologue Over the Phone
30. 5 JanBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Break from the John Adams Miniseries
31. 4 JanBathroom Monologue: “hannah montana” –6th fastest rising search term on google.com in the United Arab Emirates
32. 3 JanBathroom Monologue: Physicians do no harm. What do you do?
33. 2 JanBathroom Monologue: “The South will rise again!” –Bumper sticker
34. 1 JanNames that spam bots have used to e-mail me, OR, Names that may soon be used to populate a novel

2008 437

December 2008

1. 31 DecBathroom Monologue: “Why are you a Democrat in 2008?” –Howard Dean, beginning a youtube challenge
2. 30 DecBathroom Monologue: Venn-Shades-of-Grey
3. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: The ball is in your court, Hemingway
4. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: Chapter Ksvee, OR, Chapter 18
5. 28 DecBathroom Monologue: The Best of Netflix Recommendations (all 100% true)
6. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Sometimes in the same monologue
7. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: “AIDS in America today is a black disease.” –Phill Wilson, Black AIDS Institute
8. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: “Eight new wonders of the natural world announced.” –Press release
9. 24 DecBathroom Monologue: “Pat Moran is a writer in Portland. He wishes he still believed in Santa.” –Pat Moran’s bio, Flashshot
10. 23 DecBathroom Monologue: Anonymoose
11. 22 DecBathroom Monologue: “…cats and dogs, living together…” –Bill Murray, Ghostbusters
12. 21 DecBathroom Monologue: Thou Shalt
13. 20 DecWhile washing someone else’s dishes Monologue
14. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Some jokes are below even me
15. 19 DecSnow Men at Flashshot
16. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: Finally beat the computer at chess, running to the bathroom, and presto, monologue
17. 17 DecBathroom Monologue: “Here lies John Wiswell”
18. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: Bucking Samurai
19. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: Dead Hedgehog Thread
20. 14 DecBathroom Monologue: One Line, One Kill
21. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Anthropology of Internet Lingo
22. 13 DecPossible Lack of Updates
23. 12 DecBathroom Monolouge: Do the trains run on time from southern Mongolia?
24. 12 DecHoliday Movie Guide for Men, OR, This Is Unusually Topical and Could be a Dangerous Precedent
25. 11 DecThought in the Public Domain
26. 10 DecBathroom Monologue: Bedside Anthropology
27. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: Bathroom in the Mall of America
28. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: In ___ We ___
29. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: Places there might be a spy camera, OR, Public Bathroom Stall Monologue
30. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: Dumb Things Break People Up
31. 5 Dec"the small T. rex arms were often broken during..."
32. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Little Beliefs
33. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: Next, #2
34. 2 DecFifth Floor, Housewares and Diplomacy
35. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: Thinking about videogames, looking out the window
36. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: Word-Based Economy

November 2008

1. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: Shadow of the Valley of Death
2. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: Alternative Publishing
3. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: “The First Blast of the Trumpet Against the Monstrous Regimen of Women” –John Knox
4. 27 NovBathroom Monologue: Dig In
5. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: Other Possible Side Effects for a TiMechanics-brand Time Machine
6. 25 NovBathroom Monologue: Like Magic
7. 24 NovBathroom Monologue: TiMechanics
8. 23 NovBathroom Monologue: Bad jokes that I need to get out of my head
9. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: Nooks, Crannies and Hobgoblins
10. 21 NovBathroom Monologue: Tao Jones
11. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: Laws of Ash
12. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: bathroom monoLOgue
13. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: I'd really like an answer to this one
14. 17 NovBathroom Monologue: Designer Genes
15. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: The Little Ice Age
16. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: Good Gloves, OR, A Limit of Comparisons
17. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Same story, different monologue (part Finale)
18. 13 NovBathroom Monologue: Same story, different monologue (part I)
19. 12 NovBathroom Monologue: Same story, different monologue (part Alpha)
20. 11 NovBathroom Monologue: Same story, different monologue (part A)
21. 11 NovThree Bathroom Monologues to Flashshot
22. 10 NovBathroom Monologue: Same story, different monologue (part 1)
23. 9 NovBathroom Monologue: Hash It Out
24. 8 NovBathroom Monologue: Warning: The Bathroom Monologues Are Not Child-Safe. Nor are they…
25. 7 NovBathroom Monologue: More Important Than Art Itself
26. 6 NovBathroom Monologue: My Avatar
27. 5 NovBathroom Monologue: "Porn degrades everyone, Mark." -Douglas Coupland, JPod
28. 5 NovNon-Fiction: Where I was when Obama won
29. 4 NovBathroom Monologue: My Liberal Biases
30. 3 NovBathroom Monologue: Appetite for Destruction
31. 2 NovBathroom Monologue: Fleets of Fleeting Moments
32. 1 NovBathroom Monologue: Four Invisible Feminists Walk Behind a Bar…

October 2008

1. 31 OctA ‘While Walking Addendum’ to "Do you believe in ghosts?" asked by Carlos in Devil's Backbone
2. 30 OctBathroom Monologue: "Do you believe in ghosts?" -Carlos in Devil's Backbone
3. 29 OctBathroom Monologue: Original Piracy
4. 28 OctBathroom Monologue: The Monopoly of the Abyss
5. 27 OctBathroom Monologue: “Would you kill your son if God told you to?” –Penn Jillette on youtube
6. 26 OctBathroom Monologue: Things to say right before laughing maniacally.
7. 25 OctBathroom Monologue: Hard on Herakles, Hard On Us All
8. 24 OctBathroom Monologue: The Pirates Sailed Inland
9. 23 Oct“What will the pirates do with this ransom money?” –Some anchor on CNN, OR, Leave your TV on and you’ll overhear some weird things in the bathroom
10. 22 OctBathroom Monologue: Responding to a Long'n this Time
11. 21 OctAnnouncement: 500
12. 21 OctBathroom Monologue: The King Means
13. 20 OctBathroom Monologue: Capitalism at its Finest
14. 19 OctBathroom Monologue: “There are two kinds of people in this world…” –Many annoying people throughout the decades
15. 18 OctBathroom Monologue: Please, tell me why I think this is funny
16. 17 OctBathroom Monologue: Notes from a 27-Year-Old Political Vigilant
17. 16 OctBathroom Monologue: I don't want to be objectified...
18. 15 OctBathroom Monologue: OSC2
19. 14 OctBathroom Monologue: OSC1
20. 13 OctBathroom Monologue: Enchanted Armor
21. 12 OctBathroom Monologue: Thinking over what to say when mom tells me she wants to date again
22. 11 OctBathroom Monologue: “Politics is for the moment, but an equation is for eternity.” –Albert Einstein
23. 10 OctBathroom Monologue: Acronyms for “Acronym”
24. 9 OctBathroom Monologue: Some Say It Was a Fig
25. 8 OctBM: “"The Graysons" will follow the world of Dick "DJ" Grayson before he takes on the iconic Robin identity and aligns himself with Batman.” –Variety
26. 7 OctBathroom Monologue: Mini-Respons-alogues, OR, I’m Serious, Five Minutes
27. 6 OctBathroom Monologue: Next, Giant Scorpions
28. 5 OctBathroom Monologue: A Satyr
29. 4 OctBathroom Monologue: I swear, no more sidewalk sermons from Ashenti
30. 3 OctBathroom Monologue: The Changesaw
31. 2 OctBathroom Monologue: Pejoratives and Profane Exclamations
32. 1 OctBathroom Monologue: One of Ashenti’s sermons

September 2008

1. 30 SepBathroom Monologue: 10 points if you know what Price, Heston and Smith have in common
2. 30 SepWorld of Peacecraft
3. 29 SepBathroom Monologue: Thirteen Danger Zones - Instructions to be Posted in Dormitory Showers
4. 28 SepBathroom Monologue: Do You?, OR, I’m accepting proposals
5. 27 SepBathroom Monologue: Birthed Lucky, OR, Only Casino in Town
6. 26 SepBathroom Monologue: “Republicans will be meeting with experts this morning to review alternative energy policies…” Announcer on C-SPAN
7. 25 SepBathroom Monologue: Cultural Analysis of the Pseudo-Homophobic High Five Ritual
8. 24 SepBathroom Monologue: Start. Hunt.
9. 23 SepBathroom Monologue: Un-Life
10. 22 SepBathroom Monologue: “One of my many flaws is perpetually confusing H.G. Wells, Orson Welles and George Orwell.” -Me
11. 21 SepA Vision, with a View, OR, Funny thing is she didn’t think she was better or worse than he; “better” never occurred to her while holding his hand
12. 20 SepBathroom Monologue: I need to lay off the M*A*S*H marathons
13. 19 SepBathroom Monologue: The Wine
14. 18 SepBathroom Monologue: Where it comes from
15. 17 SepBathroom Monologue: God’s Iron Jack O’Lantern Brigade
16. 16 SepBathroom Monologue: Phobias and Irrational Fears
17. 15 SepBathroom Monologue: Yes. A perverted waterslide.
18. 14 SepBathroom Monologue: Less Than Three
19. 13 SepBathroom Monologue: Show me Your I.D., OR, I’ll need two forms of I.D. with that, OR, Get Over This Pun, John
20. 12 SepBathroom Monologue: Seems to Me
21. 11 SepBathroom Monologue: Your confidence in your ability to escape a full nelson over time, OR, The first-ever Bathroom Chart
22. 10 SepBathroom Monologue: Wealth is Wasted on the Rich, OR, Friends are Wasted on the Happy, OR, Humor is Wasted on the Humorous
23. 9 Sep“Scientists receive death threats over "end-of-world" experiment” –Fedquip, Propeller.com
24. 9 SepBathroom Monologue: Going Gracefully
25. 8 SepBathroom Monologue: Thanks to random spam from oertwig@unknownmailerdaemon for inspiring this one with your likely made-up name
26. 7 SepBathroom Monologue: Wizard’s Second Rule
27. 6 SepBathroom Monologue: “Which has more alcohol, a glass of red wine, a bottle of beer, or a shot of scotch?” –An interviewer in Debra Ginsberg’s Waiting
28. 5 SepBathroom Monologue: That Urban Legend
29. 4 SepHave you seen my R.A.Q.? 2008 Edition
30. 3 SepBathroom Monologue: Dear Diary
31. 2 SepBathroom Monologue: Dear Godzilla (2)
32. 1 SepDear Toho (You thought it was over?)

August 2008

1. 31 AugBathroom Monologue: Criticism Vs. Slander, OR, I’m saying this before I get anything reviewed, OR, I’m looking at you, Amazon.com user reviews
2. 30 AugBathroom Monologue: Ropp On, Goblin Boy
3. 29 AugBathroom Monologue: Dear All Other Monsters
4. 28 AugBathroom Monologue: Dear Godzilla
5. 27 AugBathroom Monologue: Dear Kong
6. 26 AugBathroom Monologue: Gaming New Update
7. 26 AugBathroom Monologue: Innocence is Wasted on the Stupid, OR, A Crayon Note of Sincere Apology
8. 25 AugBathroom Monologue: Deep Blue, the Master Chess Computer, VS. Timmy Wilkins, who passed Third Grade in two tries
9. 25 AugBathroom Monologue: Prednisone, the little pill that ruined everything
10. 24 AugRaq
11. 24 AugBathroom Monologue: Good God
12. 23 AugBathroom Monologue: Even
13. 22 AugBathroom Monologue: Of Fish and Men
14. 21 AugBathroom Monologue: Big Sports News Sees Gold for Mother Russia
15. 20 AugBathroom Monologue: Don Quixote, Book 3, Chapter XXGI: Of an Adventure Most Inopportune and Unremarkable
16. 20 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 31
17. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 30
18. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 29
19. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 28
20. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 27
21. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 26
22. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 25
23. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 24
24. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 23
25. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 22
26. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 21
27. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 20
28. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 19
29. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 18
30. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 17
31. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 16
32. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 15
33. 19 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 14
34. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 13
35. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 12
36. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 11
37. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 10
38. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 9
39. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 8
40. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 7
41. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 6
42. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 5
43. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 4
44. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 3
45. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 2
46. 18 AugBathroom Monologue: Ad Wars 1
47. 17 AugBathroom Monologue: Define "Ham"
48. 16 AugBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Monologue aboard Delta Flight 1972 from Cincinnati
49. 15 AugBathroom Monologue: Losing for Student Council Can Really Get to You
50. 15 AugMonday and Tuesday
51. 14 AugBathroom Monologue: His Plates
52. 13 AugBathroom Monologue: Blurbs for “Night of the Cobra”
53. 12 AugBathroom Monologue: I need that burn
54. 12 AugBathroom Monologue: Diet by the Book, OR, I actually met Dr. Atkins when I was a kid, and he was fat
55. 11 AugBathroom Monologue: How exactly are you different from a dentist?
56. 10 AugBathroom Monologue: If I get to Heaven, the first thing I’ll ask is…
57. 9 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge Concludes
58. 8 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenges You to Up the Ante
59. 7 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge with Strange Company
60. 6 AugBathroom Monologue: In Soviet Russia, Noun Challenges You
61. 6 AugUnwise challenge? Blame it on my teeth.
62. 5 AugBathroom Monologue: How do you spell “Solzhenitsyn” in the Russian alphabet?
63. 5 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge - Pacific Edition
64. 4 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge at the Races
65. 3 AugBathroom Monologue: Noun Challenge Recipes
66. 2 AugBathroom Monologue: Winner
67. 1 AugBathroom Monologue: What it Means to be a Winner

July 2008

1. 31 JulBathroom Monologue at an Anime Convention
2. 30 JulNoun Challenge Begins Sunday
3. 30 JulBathroom Monologue: “If the shoe fits…” –Annoying people, throughout the decades
4. 29 JulBathroom Monologue: F.D.E.
5. 28 JulNoun Challenge
6. 28 JulBathroom Monologue: To Arms and Armor
7. 27 JulBathroom Monologue: Re: “Immigrant’s Song” by Led Zeppelin
8. 26 JulBathroom Monologue: “May Jesus kick your tires.” –Me on the way to the bathroom, in a really cheesy Irish accent
9. 25 JulBathroom Monologue: Lead to gold, gold to pawnbroker, pawnbroker to mansion
10. 24 JulBathroom Monologue: Cheater
11. 23 JulBathroom Monologue: Ezie/Zeke
12. 22 JulBathroom Monologue: Frat Girls
13. 21 JulBathroom Monologue: “Wait ‘Till We Get Our Hanes On You” –Television Commercial
14. 20 JulBathroom Monologue: Tell your life story in X-number of words.
15. 19 JulBathroom Monologue: A Courtesy Flush for George
16. 18 JulBathroom Monologue: At Least the Road out of Hell is Paved
17. 17 JulBathroom Monologue: Bitch, Please
18. 16 JulBathroom Monologue: Every Passing Generation
19. 15 JulBathroom Monologue: Admissions About Literature
20. 14 JulBathroom Monologue: Pit Stop at La Guardia Airport, OR, No Foot-binding Jokes Allowed
21. 13 JulBathroom Monologue: Behold, the King of Kings
22. 12 JulBathroom Monologue: Ratings 2: Rate Harder
23. 11 JulBathroom Monologue: Double and Nothing
24. 10 JulBathroom Monologue: Lying Eyes
25. 9 JulBathroom Monologue: The Bough Breaks
26. 8 JulBathroom Monologue: Hotbed
27. 7 JulBathroom Monologue: Banning Headscarves; Banning All Scarves
28. 6 JulBathroom Monologue: “It was a dark and stormy night.” –Edward Bulwer-Lytton
29. 5 JulBathroom Monologue: Death is…
30. 4 JulBathroom Monologue: Love is…
31. 3 JulBathroom Monologue: “Philosophy is…” –Flyer for an open admission community college course
32. 2 JulBathroom Monologue: Historical Friction
33. 1 JulBathroom Monologue: How John Screws Himself Over From Ever Getting Published in * NAME OF MAGAZINE WITHHELD BY REQUEST *

June 2008

1. 30 JunBathroom Monologue: Here’s to that color under my toenails
2. 29 JunBathroom Monologue: Simple Question, Simple Brain
3. 28 JunA Farewell to the Tree that was on Our Property but Fell on Theirs, and a Further Farewell to the Insurance Company That Wouldn't Cover It
4. 27 JunBathroom Monologue: Hot House Honey
5. 26 JunBathroom Monologue: The P.P.G.
6. 25 JunBathroom Monologue: Hole in One
7. 24 JunBathroom Monologue: Seven Crystal Stars
8. 23 JunBathroom Monologue: Came for the Sand
9. 22 JunBathroom Monologue: Sixth Senses, OR, “We know prior to birth that we will have only five physical senses.” –Robert Schwartz, Courageous Souls
10. 21 JunBathroom Monologue: Time to Worship the Goat Skull
11. 20 JunBathroom Monologue: Narration 2, OR, The Accidental Epilogue of the John's Tale
12. 19 JunBathroom Monologue: TV Show Ideas
13. 18 JunBathroom Monologue: “Is that the subject of Elizabeth Bishop?” –Jim Lehrer, News Hour
14. 17 JunBathroom Monologue: Narration
15. 16 JunBathroom Monologue: All That’s Old…
16. 15 JunBathroom Monologue: Quite Human
17. 14 JunBathroom Monologue: Political Hat Trick #3
18. 13 JunBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Monologue to a Present
19. 12 JunBathroom Monologue: “Minds are like parachutes: they only work when they are open.” –Thomas Dewar
20. 11 JunBathroom Monologues: Signs of a Man Who was Broke at Some Point
21. 10 JunHolding it because I don’t trust that smell in the Metro car’s bathroom Monologue
22. 9 JunBathroom Monologue: Cube Earthers
23. 8 JunBathroom Monologue: Crap Logic
24. 7 JunBathroom Monologue: Something About Magnets
25. 6 JunBathroom Monologue: It’s funnier when you take into account that the author is human
26. 5 JunBathroom Monologue: Keyboard Psychology
27. 4 JunBathroom Monologue: Excerpts from Prometheus' Help Column
28. 3 JunBathroom Monologue: "Too hot for the internet!" -stupid ad
29. 2 JunBathroom Monologue: Personally, I'm praying for a 360
30. 1 JunBathroom Monologue: Good, Hard Man

May 2008

1. 31 MayBathroom Monologue: Inspired by Diarrhea, the Bathroom Internal Monologue
2. 30 MayBathroom Monologue: Ogre-Brained, Or, “And chances are that your kids are not getting enough art —in or out of school.” –Americans for the Arts ad
3. 29 MayBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Monologues Brought to you by: Cherry Coca Cola, Dell & John’s Insecurities
4. 28 MayBathroom Monologue: Braino'd
5. 27 MayBathroom Monologue: Cancer is the One Shaped Like a Crab
6. 26 MayBathroom Monologue: War and Peace and Comics
7. 25 MayNot many math jokes out there, OR, While Writing on the Chalkboard Monologue
8. 24 MayBathroom Monologue: “What would computers even believe in?” –Me, responding to my own Theorobotics monologue
9. 23 MayBathroom Monologues: Theorobotics
10. 22 MayBathroom Monologue: Three of a Kind
11. 21 MayBathroom Monologue: A longstanding daydream of mine
12. 20 MayBathroom Monologue: Only Human
13. 19 MayBathroom Monologue: If paper only has two sides, what did I cut myself on?
14. 18 MayBathroom Monologue: Inspired by Sonny Sharrock’s “Little Rock,” which I heard playing since I left my door open
15. 17 MayBathroom Monologue: “Everyone understands English if you speak it slowly enough.” –B.J. Hunnicutt, M*A*S*H
16. 16 MayBathroom Monologue: Roger That, OR, An Ununderstanding
17. 15 MayBathroom Monologue: Kinds of Writers who are Never Rejected by Publishers
18. 14 MayBathroom Monologue: Oblate Trouvé
19. 13 MayBathroom Monologue: Come In, Number Two
20. 12 MayBathroom Monologue: The Straw Man Doesn’t Giggle
21. 11 MayBathroom Monologues: Modes of Moderation, OR, Alley-oop from Mark Twain
22. 10 MayBathroom Monologue: Imagine a chef with the Pope’s hat
23. 9 MayBathroom Monologue: Labyrinthine
24. 9 MayBathroom Monologue: I’m not projecting on Homer here, so I don’t know what I’m really doing
25. 8 MayBathroom Monologue: Adaptation
26. 7 MayBathroom Monologue: In the Blink
27. 6 MayBathroom Monologue: Rebut if you will, rationalize as you like
28. 5 MayBathroom Monologue: In the Name of “Love”
29. 4 MayBathroom Monologue: The Family that ****s Together, Sticks Together, OR, Calm Down, It’s Pro-Sense of Humor.
30. 3 MayBathroom Monologue: Highly Improbable
31. 2 MayBathroom Monologue: Geniuses fall in love too, Frankie Lymon
32. 2 MayComments Not Censored
33. 1 MayBathroom Monologue: Gift Certificates, OR, Monologue at a GAP Bathroom

April 2008

1. 30 AprBathroom Monologue: Oh yes I did
2. 29 AprBathroom Monologue: Rorschark Attack
3. 28 AprBathroom Monologue: Very difficult to believe in oneself, but not in the oncoming S.U.V. doing 75 MPH in a school zone
4. 27 AprBathroom Monologue: Backed Up
5. 26 AprBathroom Monologue: Whatever Works
6. 25 AprBathroom Monologue: 'Till Armageddon do you Part
7. 24 AprBathroom Monologue: Have you ever been so tired that you...?
8. 23 AprBathroom Monologues: The Product of Three Trips to the Bathroom
9. 22 AprBathroom Monologue: Entertainmentalists
10. 21 AprBathroom Monologue: Bright Boy
11. 20 AprBathroom Monologue: Intentionally Mishearing Queen's "Princes of the Universe"
12. 20 AprBathroom Monologue: Serenity Now
13. 19 AprBathroom Monologues: Enjoy the Festivities
14. 18 AprBathroom Monologue: Meteors, Asteroids, Comets – You Have Them? We’ll Buy Them.
15. 17 AprBathroom Monologue: It’s “MP3 Player of Middle Eastern Descent,” thank you very much
16. 16 AprBathroom Monologue: What do you say when someone coughs?
17. 15 AprBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Sentences
18. 14 AprBathroom Monologue: Methods of Transport
19. 13 Apr“Mowing the Lawn” Monologue
20. 12 AprBathroom Monologue: Electroedipal
21. 11 AprBathroom Monologue: Small Talk, Volume 6 (Trialogues)
22. 10 AprBathroom Monologue: Real Realism
23. 9 AprBathroom Monologue: Why do the news channels have tickers?
24. 8 AprBathroom Monologue: Rule #1 to Great Storytelling
25. 7 AprBathroom Monologue: Oven of Danger
26. 6 AprBathroom Monologue: "Girls get the arms, but not the swords. Bastards gets the swords, but not the arms." -George Martin, A Game of Thrones
27. 5 AprBathroom Monologue: Themes
28. 4 AprNotice: Not Not Closing Down
29. 4 AprBathroom Monologue: Cover, Bathroom Monologues Anthology, Vol. 1
30. 3 AprBathroom Monologue: This Monologue Brought to You by: Food Poisoning
31. 2 AprBathroom Monologue: Racing to Enlightenment
32. 2 AprBathroom Monologue: For the sake of brevity
33. 1 AprBathroom Monologue: Sometimes life is like...

March 2008

1. 31 MarBathroom Monologue: Justice, like lighting!
2. 30 MarBathroom Monologue: Jane Thoroughs
3. 29 MarBathroom Monologues: Decorations
4. 28 MarBathroom Monologue: Only publishing this one so I can claim the quote “sexual hot potato”
5. 27 MarBathroom Monologue: Letter to the Editors
6. 26 MarBathroom Monologue: Who Was I in a Present Life?
7. 25 MarBathroom Monologue: Hate Living by Catchphrases
8. 25 MarBathroom Monologue: "No Pets Allowed (except those assisting handicapped persons)" -Door at Roanoke Regional Airport, Virginia
9. 17 MarBathroom Monologue: If you edited a short story collection…
10. 16 MarBathroom Monologues: "I like how certain sides of your brain are female." –Randall Nichols
11. 15 MarBathroom Monologue: Absurdist like...?
12. 14 MarBathroom Monologue: Get Out, and Close the Door
13. 13 MarBathroom Monologue: Things I'd Like to Know
14. 12 MarBathroom Monologue: “I’m having trouble thinking of a plot for National Novel Writing Month.” –Michelle Ann Fleming
15. 11 MarLooking for the huge branch mom said fell in her yard Monologue
16. 10 MarBathroom Monologue: The Wind Turns Leaves Over
17. 9 MarBathroom Monologue: Expenses List for the Break-In
18. 8 MarBathroom Monologue: If knowledge is power, then someone define “power,” OR, I felt a lot less clever when I found Plato beat me to this
19. 7 MarBathroom Monologues: Possible Headstone Inscriptions
20. 6 MarBathroom Monologue: Nobody Has Ever Had It Worse
21. 5 Mar"Something died inside me that day." –Hundreds of people on TV at various times
22. 4 MarBathroom Monologue: Do they play for the same team as us, or are they competition?
23. 3 MarBathroom Monologue: Love, Loathing and Odds
24. 3 MarBathroom Monologues: Re: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD0uPiMeVA4&feature=dir
25. 2 MarBathroom Monologue: Did you get good marks?
26. 1 MarBathroom Monologue: I can’t think of a pun title for this one, and it needs one, Or, Sorry to George Michaels
27. 1 MarSorry for the Songs and Puns

February 2008

1. 29 FebBathroom Monologue: You’re all dear to me
2. 29 FebBathroom Monologue: May Noah and Pratchett Live Forever, not in their own memories, not in mine, but in the printed word
3. 28 FebBathroom Monologue: New Program - Cutting Slack
4. 27 FebBathroom Monologue: Oh, Venerable Masters
5. 26 FebBathroom Monologue: Really, really too proud of these puns
6. 26 FebBathroom Monologues: The Virtue of Society
7. 25 FebBathroom Monologue: “For the sun, even a million years is a blip in time.” –Narrator, History Channel’s The Universe
8. 24 FebBathroom Monologue: This Lobe o’ Mine
9. 23 FebBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Couplet
10. 22 FebBathroom Monologue:“The question for Democrats in 2008 is whether we want the first woman president or the first black president.” –Some pundit on CNN
11. 21 FebBathroom Monologue: I’d make an awful lawyer
12. 20 FebBathroom Monologue: Homeopathic Reasoning
13. 19 FebBathroom Monologues: Scavenger Hunt: Find examples of bigotry against the following groups
14. 18 FebBathroom Monologue: Do Environmentalists Care About the Endangered Mermaid?
15. 17 FebBathroom Monologue: Ways to Torture Your Girlfriend, Or, When is Valentine's Day?
16. 16 FebBathroom Monologue: "The world’s oldest profession…” –Anonymous, The Baltimore Sun
17. 16 FebBathroom Monologue: Loving Pennies
18. 11 FebBathroom Monologue: You might be in the mob if...
19. 10 FebBathroom Monologue: The Greatest Humorist
20. 9 FebBathroom Monologue: Ill-Advised
21. 8 FebRunning Past the Airport Bathroom Monologue, or, As Punctuated as Punctual
22. 7 FebBathroom Monologue: Things I'm not Necessarily Proud of, but will Probably do Again
23. 6 FebBathroom Monologue: What Gets Onto These People?
24. 5 FebBathroom Monologues: What Gets Into These People?
25. 4 FebBathroom Monologue: Weeding the Garden of American English
26. 3 Feb"The United States gave the world Ronald McDonald, Mickey Mouse and Napalm" –An artist whose name the BBC didn’t repeat during that report
27. 2 FebBathroom Monologue: Re: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPIkYbVEH0E
28. 2 FebBathroom Monologue: Small Town Telekinetic
29. 2 FebCult of ROH at insidepulse.com
30. 1 FebBathroom Monologue: Title: Leap Year

January 2008

1. 31 JanBathroom Monologue: A Sentence is Never a Story
2. 30 JanNotice: Flashshot Takes Three Bathroom Monologues
3. 30 JanA "while shoveling two feet of ice-snow off my deck at midnight" Monologue
4. 29 JanBathroom Monologue: Come All Ye Faithful, to Tuesday Night Karate
5. 28 JanBathroom Monologue: Best Something in a Something Else
6. 28 JanBathroom Monologue: Guests at the Funeral for the Word "Good"
7. 27 JanBathroom Monologue: Last Off Ramp with Gas
8. 26 JanBathroom Monologue: Red, White and Blue Sushi
9. 25 JanBathroom Monologue: The Efishany
10. 24 JanBathroom Monologue: Have you ever made a pun of which you were way too proud?
11. 24 JanBathroom Monologue: C Your Way Out
12. 23 JanBathroom Monologue: The Amicable Haunting
13. 22 JanBathroom Monologue: Call of the Child
14. 21 JanBathroom Monologue: Who's her baby's daddy?
15. 20 JanBathroom Monologue: This Monologue in No Way Endorses the Idea that Celebrities and Other Assorted Beautiful People have Actual Personalities
16. 19 JanComing this... Huh?
17. 18 JanBathroom Monologue: The Science of Minimalism: Like a Drill in a Doctor's Bag
18. 18 JanBathroom Monologue: Real Titles that were Disappointingly Not Comedies
19. 17 JanBathroom Monologue: Snow Job
20. 17 JanBathroom Monologue: Generous in General
21. 17 JanWaiting to Talk to the Fourth Straight Operator in the Same Hospital Monologue
22. 16 JanFifth Straight Night of Shredded Wheat for Dinner Monologue
23. 16 JanBathroom Monologue: Mitochondrial Hussie
24. 15 JanBathroom Monologue: Show of Hands?
25. 15 JanBathroom Monologue: I'm No Better Than My Worst
26. 14 JanBathroom Monologue: So It Is Written
27. 14 JanBathroom Monologue: Sleepy Head
28. 13 JanBathroom Monologue: Grim? Yes, please.
29. 12 JanBathroom Monologue: The man behind the curtain paused a moment, and cleared his throat
30. 11 JanBathroom Monologue: Behind every great dog is a carpet with no stains
31. 11 JanBathroom Monologues: What about the pink bits under my nails?
32. 10 JanBathroom Monologue: Back home we call a broken telescope "a stick"
33. 10 JanBathroom Monologue: Step 309, and how it went awry
34. 9 JanBathroom Monologue: "Shakespeare is Old School!" –A professor who thought she was hipper than she actually was
35. 9 JanBathroom Monologue: Call it Fantasy if it makes you feel better; Hell, call it a Romantic Comedy if it makes you feel better
36. 8 JanBathroom Monologue: But there are two hydrogen atoms to each one of oxygen...
37. 8 JanBathroom Monologue: Ain't never gonna get another date with her
38. 7 JanBathroom Monologue: Got to write this idea out before someone steals it
39. 7 JanBathroom Monologue: There's only two things guaranteed in life: death and taxes
40. 6 JanBathroom Monologue: Peace of Mind
41. 6 JanBathroom Monologue: Does anyone check these things?
42. 5 JanBathroom Monologue: A Car of One's Own
43. 4 JanBathroom Monologue: We swear a lot
44. 4 JanBathroom Monologue: Awkward things you wish you hadn't said during an elevator conversation right as the door opened
45. 4 JanBathroom Monologue: Dodd - 0% - 1
46. 3 JanBathroom Monologue: Dripping Redneck
47. 3 JanBathroom Monologue: Rasputin Boys
48. 2 JanNotice: Web Syndication
49. 2 JanBathroom Monologue: Beware Canadians and Ellipses
50. 2 JanBathroom Monologue: Games Journalism
51. 2 JanBathroom Monologue: Heard this muttered near the chimney
52. 1 JanBathroom Monologue: Ways the World Could End

2007 174

December 2007

1. 31 DecBathroom Monologue: Thankful 2007
2. 31 DecBathroom Monologue: Room for Seconds
3. 30 DecBathroom Monologue: "Pakistan needs to be more pro-Western" -Pundit on ABC Radio
4. 30 DecBathroom Monologue: 'Till Tailgating Do Us Part
5. 30 DecBathroom Monologue: "You can't be neutral on a moving train." -Howard Zinn
6. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: Sun Tzu Inspires Some Weird Thoughts
7. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: A Matter of Life and Death
8. 29 DecBathroom Monologue: Revenge of the Return of the Bathroom Dialogues
9. 28 DecBathroom Monologue: Flight of Dragons Redux
10. 28 DecBathroom Monologue: Live to Duct Tape
11. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Chilling
12. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Rejected Bumper Stickers
13. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: "Man is a Ghost that Haunts Himself" -Me
14. 27 DecBathroom Monologue: Sure. Blame the Director.
15. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: Our Contradictions, as Viewed by a Dwarf
16. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: November 1st: The Worst Day of the Year
17. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: The Joy of Re-Reading
18. 26 DecBathroom Monologue: That Neck Thingie
19. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: That It Do
20. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: Goodbye-Sexuals
21. 25 DecBathroom Monologue: Think of their contact lens expenses
22. 24 DecBathroom Monologue: A rose by any other name is mislabeled
23. 24 DecA Making Grilled Cheese Sandwiches Monologue... by way of Dialogue
24. 23 DecBathroom Monologue: Best of the Rest
25. 23 DecBathroom Monologue: I think it shields from rain, or bird poo...
26. 23 DecBathroom Monologue: Redefining Ignorance
27. 22 DecBathroom Monologue: We've all been Student #4
28. 21 DecBathroom Monologue: Fatal Corkboard
29. 21 DecBathroom Monologue: Down the Freudian Stream
30. 21 DecBathroom Monologue: Things from the Train Station P.A. that Utterly Derailed Bathroom Monologues
31. 20 DecBathroom Monologue: Eventually, you get to do a 'Long Ago'
32. 20 DecBathroom Monologue: Beware, 'Lest the Spoils Spoil You
33. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Something you've probably never seen in a book before
34. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Men on the Long-Fabled Feminine Tradition of Greeting Cards, OR, To a Great Godnephew
35. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Things I'd like to see a clown do
36. 19 DecBathroom Monologue: Chance Encounters of the Third Kind
37. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: It's all about image, people
38. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: Ayouism
39. 18 DecBathroom Monologue: The Refund of the King
40. 17 DecA "While Walking from Home Depot to Borders" Monologue
41. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: Bea Arthur: A Novel
42. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: When you grow up, you trade in "imaginary friends" for "characters"
43. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: Those who do not suffer fools usually miss their own foolishness
44. 16 DecBathroom Monologue: From the Annals of Poorly Written Science Fiction, Volume 170
45. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: Numbah One!
46. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: I was never the same after... (Try it at home!)
47. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: Why is World Trade Center a Flop?
48. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: A Violence of History
49. 15 DecBathroom Monologue: Like your first words were better
50. 14 DecBathroom Monologue: No Gay-Dar
51. 14 DecBathroom Monologue: Bloody Unlikely
52. 14 DecBathroom Monologue: A Response to No One in Particular
53. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Tribute to Zapp Brannigan
54. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Eight Sentences, You Old Bat
55. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Bump in the Game Night
56. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Busy Serpent
57. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: We loosened the technology for you
58. 13 DecBathroom Monologue: Lineage of Dedication
59. 12 DecWhile Pan-Frying Beef Monologue
60. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: Liberal Arts Course Offering (Fall)
61. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: Bright Shines the Light of Scrutiny
62. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: "John, what would your children's book be about?" -Jennifer Hyatt
63. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: Think of the Ballot as an Ark
64. 12 DecBathroom Monologue: Nerds v. Jocks: Ancient Edition
65. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: Could Have Been Worse
66. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: Doublespeak, meet Liespeak
67. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: You'll never look at grandma's toaster the same way again
68. 11 DecBathroom Monologue: Theodicy is that book by Homer, right?
69. 10 DecBathroom Monologue: What do you get him for Father's Day?
70. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: Some Words of Unwisdom
71. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: Things weren't supposed to be this way
72. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: Favorite Writers
73. 9 DecBathroom Monologue: (b th r m m n -lôg , -l g ) OR (it would have looked a lot more clever if the site could handle Greek letters)
74. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: To Whom it May Concern, and His Roommate
75. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: Re: http://www.bash.org/?82067
76. 8 DecBathroom Monologue: Their dad could totally beat up my dad
77. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: Bad Advice Sounds So Nice
78. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: "Rules? There are no rules!" -Opponent
79. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: You might be an evil supervillain if...
80. 7 DecBathroom Monologue: One of the Brightest
81. 7 DecMilestones, Gravestones and Ninety-Nine Somethings
82. 7 DecBathroom Monologues: Lemme Axe You Something
83. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: Wake up to go to the bathroom at 2:30 in the morning monologue
84. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: Personally, I Prefer Marquez
85. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: Paramount
86. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: Why? … But I never even ..
87. 6 DecBathroom Monologue: I'm gonna get kicked off the internet for this tribute to Punch Magazine
88. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: The AenIbeforeEexceptafterCandsometimesincrazyRomanepicsied
89. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: "$200" -Pricetag on a white shirt at Nordstroms
90. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: Noise like snaketrails in the sand, you know?
91. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: The Power of a Million
92. 5 DecBathroom Monologue: Jimmy the Traveler
93. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Goodbye, Old Friend
94. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Like Your Valhalla is Better
95. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Somebody illustrate this already
96. 4 DecBathroom Monologue: Think he can still get a reference?
97. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: Sweet & Sinful
98. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: If you read too much, you'll think like this, too
99. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: In the middle of studying Islamic Justice, a new myth!
100. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: "R.A Salvatore is an avid weightlifter." –Salvatore’s bio in the Dark Elf Trilogy
101. 3 DecBathroom Monologue: The Penis
102. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: I don't know why I was thinking about Dracula
103. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: Outtake from Lo, and the Devil Died
104. 2 DecBathroom Monologue: Better With or Without?
105. 2 DecBathroom Monologues: On Something
106. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: Remember Who?
107. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: Close My Eyes, and Think Of
108. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: Trouble With Liquor
109. 1 DecBathroom Monologue: The Charges For and Against
110. 1 DecHaiku in the November Scifaikuest

November 2007

1. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: "I bring unto you These Fifteen--" -Mel Brooks
2. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: Why else would you call them "wisdom teeth"?
3. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: Singlish, Ebonics, and other words I can't spell
4. 30 NovBathroom Monologue: He Could have had a V8
5. 30 NovBathroom Monologues: Decorations
6. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: Nightmarish Chapters for my Dream Novel
7. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: Almost
8. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: A Moment for the Duck-Billed Platypus
9. 29 NovBathroom Monologue: If Physics were so Philosophical
10. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: Was This Helpful?
11. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: What kind of catalog was it?
12. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: Not Much of a Biologist
13. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: Sorry this one ain't funnier
14. 28 NovBathroom Monologue: One time, these ninja
15. 27 NovBathroom Monologue: Bathroom Dialogues?
16. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: I've been everywhere, man
17. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: Food for Thought
18. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: Woman Reproduced Without Male DNA, Scientists Claim
19. 26 NovBathroom Monologue: Yes, there were male nymphs
20. 25 NovBathroom Monologue: Ratings
21. 25 NovBathroom Monologue: Things I am proud of
22. 24 NovBathroom Monologues: "What are you up to, John?" -Generic Friend
23. 24 NovBathroom Monologue: “The man that cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.” -Andre Breton
24. 24 NovBathroom Monologue: Another moment with Consumer, the Dragon
25. 24 NovBathroom Monologue: Doubt in the Right Direction
26. 23 NovBathroom Monologue: Trolls Like
27. 23 NovBathroom Monologue: Born Lucky
28. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: Fun With Typos
29. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: "i cannot find a good first person summary of life for a woman mobster in her 40's" -Jennifer Reed
30. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: John's old Chem teacher tragically asks him to cover his class for a minute
31. 22 NovBathroom Monologue: Yeah, I hate Warcraft cities
32. 21 NovBathroom Monologue: Lucky Stripes
33. 21 NovActually more of a While I Was Making Tuna Monologue
34. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: We're All Carpetbaggers
35. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: Wee People's Armageddon
36. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: Mission Statement
37. 20 NovBathroom Monologue: Science: The next final frontier
38. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: "Do you have any specialties?" -Generic Interviewer
39. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: Everyone Loves Leveling
40. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: All Play and No Work...
41. 19 NovBathroom Monologue: Short stories don't synch well to trailers
42. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: No One Listens, Man
43. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: I wish my professor would say…
44. 18 NovBathroom Monologue: Coming This Fall
45. 17 NovBathroom Monologue: A Moment with Consumer, the Dragon
46. 17 NovBathroom Monologue: Hail to the Elite
47. 17 NovBathroom Monologue: Where is my flying car, Jetson?
48. 17 NovComments Active
49. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: He should've worn a space suit.
50. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: Why I never saw Underworld 2
51. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: Recruitment 201
52. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: The Fear of God (or His supposed gravesite)
53. 16 NovBathroom Monologue: "Don't you want to have kids?" -Generic Ex-Girlfriend
54. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: Here's Gurenderu
55. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: They Sure Did
56. 15 NovBathroom Monologue: The Tinkerer's Tip #7 on How to Lie Your Way into the Upper Class
57. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Delectable Dolphins
58. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Like wearing a Superman t-shirt
59. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Maybe something in politics
60. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Someone's happy about graduation
61. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: Too late, Bill
62. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: God Hates Statistics
63. 14 NovBathroom Monologue: God of _____
64. 14 NovWelcome!